How Many Different Ways of Attracting Cardinals Can There Be?

Saw this magazine cover. A couple questions:

  • 39 is way too high a number for this activity. How many possible things can you do to attract cardinals? I could see having 10 or 11….but 39? By 27 you’ll be saying, “Create a sexy mannequin of a girl cardinal, with a blonde wig and a bow on her head”?
  • Who’s that obsessed with birdwatching and cardinals in general that they’re looking for strategies on how to get more in their yard? “It’s not enough to see a cardinal every once in awhile…I need to actively get them here.” Forget looking at the Arizona football teams uniforms, I need the real thing to satiate my cardinal-watching needs.
  • “Attract” is a troubling verb to use here. What’s one of the tips, “Wear that type of cologne lady cardinals like.”
  • Someone’s relieved to see this cover. What else did they do to get cardinals in the yard before this? Were they going to cardinal pickup artist training seminars? “Today we’re going to focus on bird negging. Basically give them backhanded compliments about their feathers. They’ll be eating out of your hand! Only if you have seed in it, though.
  • Didn’t read the byline on this, but really hoping it’s, “Written by a lonely cardinal.”
  • The cardinal in the picture looks way too cocky, like he or she is going to play hard to get for sure. “You’re going to use all 39 ways to win me over, baby.”