Last night the Roseanne revival premiered on ABC. Meanwhile shows like Will and Grace, Gilmore Girls, X-Files and Full House also saw revivals in recent years so it’s becoming way more common. I spoke with a friend of mine within the industry, and here are some comeback stories that were talked about but ultimately shot down.
* Family (Still) Matters: In this version, Urkel is now a millionaire because…hello! The man CREATED LIFE! Why were the Winslows always so annoyed by this genius?!?!?
* NYPD Blue, The Pension Years: Subtitle: “Sipowicz’s Ass Looks Much Worse Now.”
* The Cosby Show
* The B-Team: The children of the A-Team try to live up to their Dads by driving around in a van helping people get out of jams. They’re arrested after one episode, as four strangers driving around in a van is actually illegal in 34 states.
* ALF Autopsy: The scientists at Area 51 pick apart everyone’s favorite resident of Melmac. Long dead.
* Cheers Now: Sam and Carla return to their old stamping grounds to try to restore the bar’s old glory. Unfortunately it’s now the site of a Rite Aid attached to a TGI Friday’s.
* We Figured Out Who the Boss Is: It was Angela.
* Home Improvement: Jill Fucked Al: After the kids move out and Jill leaves Tim for his trusty sidekick Al, Tim is left alone in the house. He tragically perishes in a fire caused by him incorrectly using a sandblaster or something.
* The Simpsons: They were psyched about this until they realized the Simpsons were still on.
* No Longer Friends: After years of paying exorbitant rent on Central Park West’s largest apartment, the destitute six friends all turn to drugs, gambling and prostitution in this gritty, David Simon-led HBO reboot.
* Fullest House: The year is 2065. DJ, Stephanie, and Kimmy are all grandmothers. Danny and Joey, long dead. Jesse? Still in perfect shape with jet black hair. In the first episode they find out whose blood Stamos drinks to keep looking so young.
* Saved By the Bell: The Reunion Years: In one two hour long episode, the entire cast goes out of character and congratulates themselves on not being Screech.