The Quality in Shuttles Drops Off Rapidly When You Move from “Space” to “Airport”

I’m in the taxi line at LaGuardia. It’s so long I can’t even see the taxis. My ride home was a theoretical concept at this point.

As the snaking line shrinks in size, LGA representatives bark at us to go somewhere else to catch an Uber. My phone being dead, this does me no good. My best hope at this point is for one of them to say, “Giant ass carrier pigeons are taking people for rides back,” or to just wait it out.

The massive pigeon never came. I was there for the long haul.

I get to the end of the line only to realize I’m being put into an….airport shuttle? Which is taking me somewhere else to catch a taxi. I mean, I hope it is. I asked no one. It could’ve been taking me to enlist in a cult and all I would have said while barely looking up from my phone would be, “Yeah whatever, hey do they take card?”

The shuttle drives us to another line to wait in to catch taxis. I thought this was amazing because airport shuttles are bad enough to ride. This one somehow made that experience worse: it took us from one shitty form of transportation to an even shittier one. I was afraid the taxi was going to drop me off saying, “This should get you the rest of the way,” as I load onto an old-school push cart with a hobo on it.

The amount of drop off in shuttle quality from the two different type of shuttles is pretty astounding.

Space: takes us to explore the outer depths of the unknown.

Airport: takes us to the C terminal, making us kick ourselves for not getting there a half hour earlier.

Space: its crew, the astronauts, gave our country a generation’s worth of heroes.

Airport: Makes you late for your connection while you think, “Shit. Guess I’ll have time to get Chick-Fil-A now that I”m not making this.”

Space: People everywhere, even as the program has been retired, want to ride it.

Airport: People everywhere, even as they realize it’s the only way to get to their plane, want to not ride it and would rather just not take their trip.


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