Nothing Says “Wedding” Like an Alligator

Recently attended the wedding of a buddy of mine. The whole thing took place on a golf resort in South Carolina. Everything about the venue and resort was lovely.  The room, the fitness, center, the natural conservatory. All of it was breathtaking.

None of that was my favorite part though.

My favorite part? The alligators.

That’s right, alligators. I don’t know if this is a common thing at many golf courses, but this place had warning signs for alligators everywhere. The folio in the room even had a “how-to” guide on dealing with alligators. The fact that it said anything other than, “Just ran away as fast a you can” floored me.

To me, this was awesome. I’ve never been to a wedding that at any point felt like a challenge from the Hunger Games.

I certainly didn’t mind it, but I have to ask the course designers: if you’re building a resort so close to an animal that could eat multiple attendees…don’t you perhaps need to consider another location? “Hey Tom, we’re going to have to move the park. Yeah, pretty much anywhere there aren’t dinosaur-lookalikes who crave human flesh will be fine.”

The whole thing felt like it was symbolic for how rich people don’t feel like regular life is challenging enough. “Well, we’ve got enough money to send our great grandkids to college and have never worried about a medical bill. Plus we’ve been golfing so much even THAT isn’t hard anymore. Hey…what if we put ALLIGATORS on the golf course?” I wouldn’t be surprised if soon the gators were conquered and they just started hunting other human.

It’s the Most Dangerous Game, indeed. Especially after you’ve already proven you can hunt down an alligator.

As much of a safety risk as the alligators present, how great would it be for the PGA Tour? I can’t think of any sports innovation more exciting than that. “Rory McIlroy WAS having a great first round…that is, until he was almost eaten on the 14th hole. While the the tour prays for his recovery, players and fans alike aagreed they’re glad something finally happened.”

One last thought: let’s say these gators remain on the course for generations and generations. They evolve. They learn. They become almost one with the resort’s inhabitants.

What if they just started giving golf tips?

Can you picture it? Some accountant from New Jersey sends one into a sand trap, only to have a gator wearing a Titleist hat come over and tell him to keep his left arm straight when he chips.

I don’t even like golf, and I’d pay for that experience.

 

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