I’m Just Not That Into You, Queens Public Library

Don’t you dare read another word past this sentence. This post is for the eyes of the Queens Public Library and no one else.

A few years back I sign up for a Queens Public Library card. Just recently, they started emailing me on an almost daily basis. They’re coming on a little too strong.

Ease up, QPL.

How many updates could a library possibly have that would necessitate daily reminders? “Good afternoon, it’s Tuesday. The books are still free. Sincerely, the Library.”

I want to unsubscribe, but I’m afraid the library will think I’m stupid after that. Anyone who unsubscribes is clearly illiterate, right? I’m worried I’ll get a follow up email: “Oh we see the problem. You don’t want to check out any books because you can’t read, can you? Ain’t that right, idiot?” Then I go check out 200 books at once just to compensate.

And when you want to remind people to use a non-Internet based resource, the Internet has to be the worst way to do that. “Oh  man, I’m glad I got a reminder about what a great source of knowledge the library is. Let me check it out right after I read my next email. What’s this email about? “The 10 Best Cryptocurrencies to Invest in Right Now?” Well, that probably seems more worthwhile than reading some old ass Charles Dickens novel. Back to Google it is.”

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