Whoever Verified the Stat that You Swallow 3-6 Spiders Per Year Was One Weird Ass Scientist

Remember when you were little, and somebody in school would repeat that weird statistic about swallowing spiders? “On average, people swallow between 3 and 6 spiders per year in their sleep.”

I don’t know if that’s true. I’m not sure if it’s an urban legend. Here’s what I do know.

If it IS true…that study was conducted by one weird ass scientist.

Think about it. First off, he had to have the idea that people swallow spiders. More than likely, he ate them himself. “I wonder how many other people swallow these things? Well I know I swallow so many, it probably averages out to about 3 to 6.”

Second, he had to conduct the study. That means waiting in people’s rooms and watching them sleep – ALL NIGHT – just to record how many spiders they swallow. “And that one makes 7. I’m hoping he gets to 10 before sunup. Moments like that are why I’m in the spider sleep swallow counting business.”

How’d he get funding for this? Was there an eccentric billionaire who needed his belief validated. “Doc, I never eat before bed and wake up full every night. I’m thinking it’s gotta be spiders. That’s what I need you to find out.”

I’d feel worse for his assistant. I’d love to hear how that interview went. “Not really worried about any other papers you’ve written. Basically I need to know are you good at A) counting and B) identifying a spider if you saw one.” Then he holds up a picture of a tarantula. “Tell me what this is and count to 30 if you don’t mind. Do both of those and you’ve pretty much got this.”

Speaking of counting spiders, I have a pretty unhealthy fear of spiders. Sign up for my email list to find out more.


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