I Kinda Respect Muskets


Of all the weapons from olden times, is there a more endearing one than a musket?

It was a gun that sucked as a gun. Any weapon intended for one on one combat that takes a lot of preparation is kind of more adorable than terrifying. How can you be scared of a guy who tells you, “I”m going to KILL YOU!!!! Ya know…as soon as I take the next 45 minutes to carefully pour gunpowder into this thing and use a weird thing to press it in!”

The funniest thing about muskets is how they attached a knife at the end of it. It’s like the musket inventor was saying, “Look, I already know this is going to be a shitty gun. That’s why we’ve got an entirely different weapon on it too.” Come to think of it, it’s really inconvenient to use as a knife. It’s long, and stabbing somebody with it would be really hard. So basically, it’s not just a bad gun, it’s a bad knife too. it’s got the distinct honor of being two types of weapons, both of which it’s horribly bad at being.

How did the Revolutionary War ever end? It was a war with two armies using the least efficient weapon ever invented. Did the Americans win they decided, “Fuck it, just use normal knives. It’s way better of a knife than the musket, and real guns are a long way away from being invented. We may as well just rock with these. Between our shitty weapons and these fucking wigs that keep getting in our eyes this stupid ass war is never going to end.”

My main point is if I ever got dropped into the middle of that war after hoping in a time machine, I’d be the guy with a switchblade yelling, “I’m telling you guys, this is better!”


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