Holy Shit. I Just Realized I Don’t HAVE to Like the Knicks!


I’ve been a Knicks fan for years. Last week, they kicked out and manhandled one of their franchise’s greatest players, Charles Oakley, for simply buying a ticket within a few feet of the owner. They’ve been incompetent on the court for years. Their marquee player is currently the subject of trade rumors and subtweets from the team president.

Yep, it’s a stressful time to be a Knicks fan. It’s been a stressful…what? 16 years to be a Knicks fan?

That is, until I remember…I don’t HAVE to watch them. No one associated with the team will give a shit if I stop watching or caring, and I’ll have one less bad thing in my life to worry about.

What loyalty do I, or any Knicks fan, have to the Knicks? Or any sports team? I don’t know any of the players. I don’t know one guy who’s ever played for the Knicks. The owner sucks and puts his own ego above the good of the team. I don’t know that guy either!

What old fashioned sense of “loyalty” is keeping my allegiance to this horrible franchise? Why do people feel like they deserve credit for remaining loyal to a sports team? The Knicks gave me some entertaining basketball games in the 90’s and that’s about it. It’s not like John Starks ever helped me fix a flat tire. “I got the kidney transplant, and I’m just so thankful Charlie Ward was a match. I’m getting a tattoo of him getting tossed in the stands by PJ Brown to honor him.”

I hereby renounce my Knicks’ fandom, and it’s an incredible relief. The best part is, all those great memories of the Knicks in the late 90’s? I can still remember them fondly! LJ hitting the four point play against the Pacers in ’99 isn’t magically erased because I refuse to root for Derrick Rose now! If I stop liking the Knicks and search for the clip of Allan Houston hitting the game winning shot against the Heat the same year, it won’t disappear like the picture of Marty and his siblings in Back to the Future.

Here’s the thing: it’s not just that they suck. It’s that they suck and do so many other things to make you hate liking them. They’re truly the “Hold my beer” of sports suckage. There are so many other things I can do with my time other than watch the Knicks suck. I can learn another language. I can  learn to ride a bike (can you believe I never did that? Probably too busy watching the Knicks lose all these years). Or I can organize anti-Dolan protests outside MSG. The possibilities are limitless.

So to all you Knick fans out there, I say this: pull an Oakley. Exit your Knick fandom kicking and screaming (metaphorically, of course) and you’ll feel better watching basketball than you ever have.


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