My Main Issue With Peepholes

peephole.jpg
….not with the device themselves. The device itself is fine: you’re inside, you need to see outside. Seems like a good tool for anyone who doesn’t want to be robbed.

My issues is with the name. It sounds too creepy. I’m the one using the peephole. I’m the peep. All I want to do is see who’s in my hallway, why you gotta make ME sound like the pervert? It’s not like I’m looking through it for perverted reasons. “Oh look, the UPS guy is here. Finally, I can masturbate! Been waiting on this all day!”

Based on the name, it makes it sound like every single person you see through a peephole is some weirdo wearing a bowtie and an ill-fitting suit. Basically Pee-Wee Herman, but not as a character. That’s how he really is. Likes to engage in tickle fights. Shows up to random places holding unsolicited flowers.

It’s just off-putting. It’s like peepholes were invented to avoid whoever came up with the name for peepholes. The inventor had to be wary of him.

“Yo I know everybody likes my new invention, but for real, the guy who named it skeeves me out. Just in case there’s a peep on the end of the hole you’re looking through, I decree these be called peepholes.”

“But sir, isn’t that kind of insinuating the people looking through the hole are the peeps? Also what is a peep?”

“That’s a risk we have to take, Guy Asking Me Questions At This Press Conference To Announce the Creation of Peepholes. It’s a risk we have to take.”

My suggestion: have some kind of council of architects or something get together to re-name peepholes to put the onus back on the people waiting on the outside. Those peering through the hole should not be the ones made to feel like creeps.

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