Dangling Above a Dumpster is Way Safer in a Movie Than in Real Life

You know how in a lot of movies? Some guy will dangle off a building ledge or a fire escape? Then he’ll look down and see a dumpster and just fall into that? How can all these building dumpsters realistically be filled with so much soft material for landing?

What are the odds you wouldn’t hit a piece of jagged glass or some other blunt object? “Well I’m glad I ended up in there, there wasn’t anything but pieces of cloud…wait what? Oh that’s right, a two by four went straight through my chest and now I’m up in heaven.”

There’s a reason the phrase “dumpster diving” has such a negative connotation. It isn’t a safe haven. It’s where people go out of desperation. No one’s ever thought, “Man, things were going pretty bad for me until I fell into that dumpster.” Either gain the upper body strength needed to pull yourself up off the ledge, or avoid clinging-to-a-building-directly-above-a-dumpster scenarios all together. It can’t be that hard, can it?

What if it’s trash day, the thing has already been emptied, and you hit the bottom of the dumpster? Are dumpster bottoms that much better than the ground? I’m aware of what a horrifying term “dumpster bottom” is, by the way. It’s probably about as horrifying as dropping 50 feet from a window onto a hard, metal, surface. And no, I’m not going to Urban Dictionary to find out if it is in fact worse.

Even if you don’t land on something hard or sharp, you’re going to land on something gross. I’d take no small comfort in not breaking my leg if it meant I landed in medical waste. There’s no benefit to that. “Well at least I’ve got my health. And while I wait for someone to fish me out, I can lay here, wave my arms around and make colostomy bag angels! Everybody wins.”

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