The Best Part About Working in an Office Is Passive Aggressive Notes

I don’t work in an office anymore, but when I did I enjoyed the stupid, passive-aggressive notes people left for each other in the office. My absolute favorite was someone who left a stapler on a counter with a note that read, “FREE TO A GOOD HOME.”

Why do you care if it’s a good home? It’s a stapler, not a puppy.

Are you going to follow up after it’s adopted to check up on the stapler’s welfare? Can you imagine somebody showing up to your house in the middle of the night to ask about a stapler? “Hey, you don’t know me, I work in accounting…but I understand you took my black Swingline? Okay, yeah, I’ve got the right house…anyway, can I see it? You keeping it fed every day with fresh staples? You’re not slamming down on its head too hard when you need a staple, are you? Minimal pressure is needed, and they don’t like it when you slam. If it’s okay with you, can I talk to it for a few minutes alone?”

There’s no need to get emotional about this. If you’re that obsessed with making sure it has a good home, bring it back to your home. What’s stopping you? I’m picturing someone with a house full of staplers, unable to “care” for one more. “Well as much as we’d like to keep Larry with us, we’re already a 700 stapler household. Our staple and staple remover budget is maxed out as it is. Don’t even talk to me about starting another fund to send another one of them to Stapler College.”

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