The Complete List of Questions I Have For Tiger  Woods About His “Mac Daddy Santa” Tweet


Yesterday Tiger Woods sent out the tweet captured in the screenshot above. If Tiger’s reading, I have several follow up questions:

1) To begin…what?!? Dressing that way and calling yourself “Mac Daddy Santa” as a Christmas tradition requires another level of explanation. You can’t just say that matter of factly, as if figuring it out is intuitive.

2) What exactly is the tradition? I know every family has different traditions, but this one doesn’t seem to line up with any others I know. For instance, an example of a Christmas tradition in my house growing up was my Dad reading Twas the Night Before Christmas. He never followed that up by saying, “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! Okay kids and with that, time to take my shirt off to play a creepily named character with vaguely implied weird attributes!”

3) Whatever the tradition is, in what possible way could it appropriately involve kids?

4) Why do they love it?

5) Do you realize you do not look like a character called “Mac Daddy Santa?” You look like “Black Kenny Rogers Who Got Drunk and Decided to Take His Shirt Off.”

6) How much does Mac Daddy Santa have in common with the actual Santa Claus?

7) Is his workshop at the South Pole?

8) Is he a Bizarro World version of Santa, where he uses “Me” in place of “I?”

9)  If I round up enough corporate sponsors to fund it, will you dress that way for an entire tournament?

10)  Is that goatee dyed or is your hair starting to really go that white?

10) Is Mac Daddy Santa a relative to Santa Claus who’s like a North Pole pimp or something?

11) If the answer to 10 is “yes,” what hoes are in the North Pole to pimp? Obviously your clientele are going to be mainly elves, but are the hoes also elves?

12) Why isn’t he wearing a shirt?

13) Aren’t your nipples cold?

14) Since this is a “tradition,” you’re telling us this isn’t the first time you’ve done it? How did it start?

15) Are you going to pass it on to the next generation? Will the Woods Family Christmas in 2060 feature multiple male descendants of yours handing out presents shirtless with a white goatee and shades?

16) What if this catches on and Mac Daddy Santa becomes the definitive version of Santa? Do you think one day racists will co-opt it, saying, “I’m sorry, but the traditional Mac Daddy Santa I grew up with is white.”

That’s all I got. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all you Mac Daddy Santas out there.

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