I Don’t Feel Comfortable With a Vice President Who Goes By Mike

For a moment, let’s put politics aside. No matter what you think of Mike Pence, his policies, and his political worldview, we can all agree that it feels way too casual to have a vice president named Mike.

This isn’t easy to say, as I am a Mike. But it’s just way too laidback sounding of a name for someone who’s one heartbeat away from the presidency.

Again, this isn’t about Mike Pence’s politics. I’m not even commenting on the fact that he looks like a movie senator who would always be pushing for legislation to hunt down the X-Men. I hear “Vice President Mike…” and I think of Pence dressed in a polo shirt, shorts, flip flops, and socks pulled up to his knees as he gets ready to drive his entire family to the beach. How are you supposed to talk to other world leaders dressed like that? You can’t hold a cabinet meeting in khaki shorts. “Mr. President, we’ll get to the briefing but can you quit crossing your legs? I can’t advise on diplomacy while your balls are out.”

My advice for the Vice President, from one Mike to another? Go by Michael. I know it may make you reflect on times when your Dad was pissed at you so he called you by your full name (or at least that was true in my case), but you’ll feel a lot more presidential.

Also, whatever you go by: definitely don’t wear shorts any time over the next 4-8 years.

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