Lots of Birds Hanging Out Together Freak Me Out

I’m walking home from a show one night a few weeks ago. I hear a loud squawk above me. I look up in the air to see a tree full of dozens of birds, all hanging out together. I’m not sure what brought them there. Maybe it was the bird equivalent of an AA meeting. “Hey, I’m Larry. I’m addicted to pecking beer out of stray Bud Light empties I find on the ground.” “Hi, Larry.”

I see a bunch of birds hanging out together in one spot and I get freaked out. Even if they aren’t a threat, I never hang out long. Worst case scenario: they peck my eyes out. Best case scenario: they “only” crap on me. “Oh cool, these wild beasts decided to be merciful and evacuated on me like I’m the hood of a Dodge Charger. Looks like I came out ahead in this one.”

Nothing good can be coming of it, right? That’s one group of animals we as a species don’t want collaborating. “Okay guys, thanks for coming to the meeting. So we all have sharp talons, the power of flight…I’m pretty sure there’s something we can do with this. Any ideas?” It may take them awhile to hammer out something feasible seeing as they’re unintelligent beasts, but they’d be able to come up with something.

I’m not sure what they’d do or what the takeover would look like. But they’re just one solid plan and one parrot serving as a spokesman away from global domination.

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