Should You Say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?

If you’re worried about whether to say “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas” to people you see this December, worry no longer. I’ve got your answer. 

Say neither. 

Seriously. What kind of psychopath walks around greeting strangers? If you say Merry Christmas to someone you don’t know, they could be Jewish. Or they could be a serial killer, looking for minimal prompting to follow you home and make you victim #7. Eyes on your own paper.

Alternate solution: split the difference and wish them a “Merpy Chrismadays” or a “Happy Holimas.” If you really want to piss them off, “Happy Channuzaa” may work too.

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