You Can’t Take It With You…But What If You Could?

A lot of popular celebrities have kicked the bucket 2016, which made me ruminate a little on a phrase I often here when someone rich and famous dies: “You can’t take it with you.”

No, you can’t. But what if you could?

I’ll go a step further: what if not only could you take your wealth and possessions with you to the after life…but you were also EXPECTED to? That might get awkward at the Pearly Gates.

With open arms, God’s booming voice says, “Welcome to my kingdom, where after a life of morality and good deeds you’ll spend the rest of eternity! We’ll get you set up on your own personal cloud in just a moment. Will this be credit or debit?”

“Uh…we need money up here?”

God frowns. “You don’t have money? Oh shit dude. Yeah I guess we’ll get you set up at the hostel for the night but you’ll need to get a job.” Then you spend the rest of eternity watching your grandpa play catch with the ’27 Yankees and hooking up with Marilyn Monroe while you’re a barista at Starbucks.

Or what if you need to bring your stuff? Like you get to your cloud, or your ethereal hotel room, and it’s not furnished? You’ll have to get on the Heaven-version of Craig’s List, haggling with Chris Farley over the price of his old loveseat.

My advice: in your will, ask your family to bury you with your wallet. And maybe a coffee table, if there’s room in the hole.


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