Does Lexus Realize How Many Fights You’d Start If You Bought Your Significant Other A Car for Christmas?

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You’ve seen the commercial. Husband wakes up wife on Christmas morn (or sometimes the other way around). Walks him or her out to the driveway to find a Lexus with a giant bow on it. Husband or wife rejoices.

In real life? No way it goes down like that.

First off, unless you’re absolutely loaded, buying a car is a huge purchase both parties would need to sign off on. That’s one argument right there. “Um…Ray? Where did you get the money for this? We just took on a second mortgage so you could keep your shitty startup afloat. Did you dip into the kids’ college fund?”

“The college fund? I dipped into that long ago for seed money for my startup. You remember, ‘Bag O’ The Month?’ It’s a membership club where each month I send people one bag of their choice. The catch is, they’re not designer bags or anything expensive like that. Since it’s called ‘Bag O’ The Month,’ technically all we’re legally obligated to do is send them a bag of any type and we’ll have fulfilled the obligation. Garbage bags, plastic bags, sandwich bags…as long as they get a bag from us, they can’t sue, and we get to keep their $29.99 monthly fee.”

“Ray I want a divorce.”

“But Mike,” you ask, for some reason talking to your computer as you read this blog. “What if the couple is insanely rich?” Okay, I’ll spot you that, Dear Loquacious Reader. Let’s say the couple is insanely rich, to the point where they’re buying cars as a frivolous present. Even so: how the hell is the other person going to top a CAR as a gift? “Gee….thanks….um, a Lexus! Wow! Uh…here, enjoy this Starbucks gift card I got you as your initial gift while I go finalize the paperwork on the boat I got you.”

It makes you wonder why Lexus, or any car company, would push such an impractical ideal. What possible reason would there be for any car company to promote this illogical practice? But take a moment to think who really benefits from it. What do all these commercials have in common?

You guessed it: giant bows.

During every “car given as a Christmas gift” commercial,” there’s inevitably a car with a giant bow on it. There’s literally no other possible reason anyone could need a bow that big. As with anything in life, you just need to follow the money.  My contention is that Lexus is getting kickbacks from the giant bow industry to propogate this ridiculous practice no one would actually partake in. Insiduous business really.

So when your wife buys you a Lexus this Christmas and you resent her as you scramble to come up with a better gift than the yoga DVD you got her, don’t blame her.

Blame Big Giant Bow.

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