The Definitive List of QBs the Patriots Could Still Win With is Staggering

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Tom Brady was suspended and the Patriots won. Jimmy Garappolo was injured and the Patriots won. Now Jacoby Bissett is hurt and the Patriots will probably still win. Based on my advanced statistical calculations, here’s a definitive list of who the Patriots could put at QB and still win with:

  • All current NFL QBs
  • All former NFL QBs who are living
  • Some former NFL QBs who are dead
  • Tom Brady throwing left handed
  • A Tom Brady fathead
  • The one-armed guy 127 hours was based on after being told he can’t use the arm he still has
  • The singer Seal
  • An actual Seal
  • Any animal with higher than average intelligence (dolphins, chimpanzees, elephants)
  • Bill Belichick
  • Noted actor, Broadway star and non-athlete Nathan Lane
  • Manti Teo’s non-existent girlfriend
  • Fictional QB Shane Falco from the movie The Replacements. Not Keanu Reeves playing Shane Falco. Literally  they’d bring a TV playing the movie onto the field and put it under center
  • You, if you got your shit together and applied yourself

That last one stung didn’t it? For more on how you can play QB for the Patriots next week, subscribe to my email list.

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