You Should Feel Bad for Meter Maids

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No one makes you feel contempt quite like a meter maid, do they? I saw one the other day and my blood started to boil instantaneously (and I don’t even have a car). The more I think about it though, the more I feel sorry for pitiable creatures. You should too. Consider:

  • Here’s the list of world’s sexiest types of maids, ranked in order: 1) French, 2) Pretty much any other type of maid….1,000) meter. No wife is role-playing as a meter maid to help spice up her and her husband’s sex life. The uniforms aren’t sexy and the role-play would just devolve into her shrugging while she says, “The sign clearly says two hour parking. You’re welcome to appeal.” Nobody’s gotten off getting a ticket.
  • No one’s EVER happy to see one. In fact one of the greatest dilemmas of my life was seeing a meter maid giving a ticket to a Time Warner Cable van. Had no idea who to root for.
  • Their official title according to Wikipedia is “parking enforcement officer” which was clearly made up by a meter maid trying to feel more tough. I can just picture a skinny guy struggling to bench press just the bar at the gym before he gives up and says, “Whatever, I’ll just go derive my manhood from enforcing arbitrary parking laws” as he downs a pound of unwatered whey protein.
  • “Meter maid” is meant to be derisive, but I’m not exactly sure why. It doesn’t describe what they do. They don’t clean meters. Are you saying any crappy job title should include the word maid? That’s not an insult to parking enforcement officers, it’s an insult to actual maids.
  • Finally, those stupid uniforms. They’re dressed like fake cops even though they’re nothing even close to a cop. Now if there’s ever a crime committed or any kind of disturbance, everyone’s going to look at them. “Officer help! He’s got my purse!” “What? Oh no, I’m a meter maid.” “Well do SOMETHING, you have a uniform on!” “Uh, I can try to hit him with my notepad ah shit he’s gone.”

Next time you think about cursing and spitting on a metet maid, remember they have a journey too. Maybe just curse on them and don’t spit.

You should subscribe to my mailing list whether you’re a meter maid or not.


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