I recently got a New York driver’s license and after years of holding out, finally opted in as an organ donor. I figured I’m over 30 so I got my prime years out of my organs. The next guy is getting the back end either way.
The nerve wracking part was that when I got my new license, I also got a letter from the New York Department of Public Health. The first sentence was, “Thank you for agreeing to become an organ donor.” I stopped reading because I was worried the next sentence would be, “Yeah, and we’re going to need your heart tomorrow.” Like two thugs wearing “NYC” jackets show up at my apartment at 3 am with a cooler and a bone saw saying, “Let us get that kidney.”
Organ donation is obviously a very good and selfless thing, but for some reason I was scared to agree to do it for years. And while I can’t put a finger on why, I can say some ways I might improve the system to make it work better for me:
You should be able to pick who you donate to
:In most cases I get that you die and it goes to the first available person. I’m not saying we change that completely. But let’s change it slightly. Let’s say I die and someone needs my liver. What if my driver’s license says, “Organ donor…but please reserve my liver for Uncle Bill. He’s getting up there and he hits the sauce way too hard.”? In most cases I’m cool with it going to whoever, but if I have someone special in mind, I should get to pick. I mean, it is MY liver. Or conversely, what if my enemy needs a heart? I don’t want my sworn nemesis prolonging his life all because I got T-boned by a monster truck, or some other hilarious vehicle.
Figure out a way to give me credit while I’m still alive
Without a doubt, the biggest drag about being an organ donor is you don’t get credit for it while you’re still kicking. I mean…come on. You’re literally alive because I was nice enough to give you my insides. I think that deserves at least a party, right? So what I’m suggesting is, anyone who agrees to be an organ donor gets one gigantic blowout party thrown in their honor, all on the taxpayer dime. You get it as soon as you sign up just in case you get donked off any time in the ensuing years. You get music, snacks, open bar…well, not open bar, you want to save the livers.But all these would be good things to have at a get together honoring me, hopefully years before my inevitable demise getting eaten by alligators after a parasailing accident over the Everglades.
No more eyes
I’m sure plenty of people have had their lives changed by having eyes donated but I don’t know man…if we do have souls, I bet they’re stored in our eyes. I’m not sure I want to spend the rest of some other person’s life with my soul trapped in their body after falling out of a hot air balloon and being impaled on the Matterhorn.
So to recap, since I’m the selfless donor here, I don’t think the following things are too much to request: customized donations, huge party honoring my massive sacrifice while I’m still alive, and you can’t use my eyes.
Speaking of organ donation: if you subscribe to my email list, I’d consider it as big a favor as you giving my a kidney.