Here’s the Stupidest Thing You Can Push in a Baby Stroller

weird stroller.jpg

You’d think it would be a dog, right? It’s not. It’s not a dog.

I’ve seen idiots pushing dogs around in baby strollers, but I actually saw something worse the other day.

I saw a guy pushing around a stroller containing…

…two 24 packs of bottled water.

There’s a few possibilities here:

Did he take the stroller out specifically to transport bottled water?
The chances of this are low, but you never know. They make traditional carts for this sort of thing but maybe my man wanted something a little more secure. “I want to be 100% sure I’m hydrated, and this is the safest way to move H20. Or…

Is he a crazy guy who views packs of bottled water as his children. 
Also unlikely, also possible. Maybe no one in his life has had the heart to tell him his children Dasani and Poland Spring aren’t really his. At some point, someone not knowing his condition at a party is going to ruin it for him. “What do you mean you and your wife think it’s too expensive to adopt? You can get a perfectly good kid at Target for $6.99. $5.9 on sale.”

Of course, it’s possible neither of those are true. He left the house with his baby, using the stroller for its intended purpose. Then he saw an unexpected deal on bottled water somewhere. If that’s the case, I now I have a somewhat disturbing follow up question…

Where’s his ACTUAL baby?
 What’d you do, just unload the baby so you could take them both packs home in one trip? What the hell’s wrong with you man? I know drinking lots of water is important to our health, but I don’t think Child Protective Services is going to buy, “I was just trying to get my 8 glasses!” when they find your little Connor chilling on the bodega counter where you left him.

Of course, there’s a fourth, wackier option, which is my favorite:

What if they actually ARE his children? 
This one’s a little bit out there, but with modern technology and all I wouldn’t put it past anyone. I’m sure he’s proud of them, beaming with other pride as he tells other parents, “Yeah, they’re 18 months now. Their mom is a water cooler.”

Verdict: I have no idea why this moron was pushing two giant packs of water around in a stroller, but I suggest he drop that creepy method of transport and just have them delivered.

Subscribe to my email list, unless you push bottled water around like children. In that case, I don’t want you.

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