After the Battle at Bristol, What Will the Next ESPN Event in a Weird Place Be?


Tonight will be the first college football game played at Bristol Motor Speedway as the Virginia Tech Hokies take on the Tennessee Volunteers. It’s expected to break attendance records. After organizing this, as well as college basketball games on aircraft carriers, it led me to wonder: what will the next ESPN event in a weird place be? I have some ideas:

* The Chicago Bears play the Green Bay Packers in O’Hare Airport the day before Thanksgiving without cancelling any flights.

* Jets/Giants from Times Square and let some of Times Square’s inhabitants play. Would love to see Giants defensive end the Naked Cowboy tackle Jets running back Bumblebee from Transformers.

* Venus. Serena. Ping pong. On. The. Moon.

* It’s not a sporting event, but televise Stephen A. Smith hanging out in a library just so people can have the satisfaction of seeing him be told to shut the fuck up.

* In the name of corporate synergy, have the Disney-owned network promote the next Star Wars movie by playing a college basketball game in a sand-filled court made up to look like Tattooine.

* Just to mix things up, have one of those college hockey games no one watches on a half-melted pond.

* The Washington Nationals play on the White House lawn. The game is nine innings (or until they break a window, whichever comes first).

* A PGA tournament round held on a bunch of Dubai skyscrapers. It will take 2 weeks to play and will cost thousands in property damage.

* College basketball game on an aircraft…in use. Watch Duke versus Kentucky while a North Korean drone gets destroyed in the background.

* They don’t have the rights for it, but they’ll strongly suggest to NBC executives that they hold a Winter Olympics in Antarctica.

* The Washington Redskins play a Monday night game next year on an actual Native American reservation. They’ll then donate all proceeds from the game to the tribe. Daniel Snyder will then yell, “THERE? IS THAT ENOUGH? WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO DO TO KEEP THIS NAME AND NOT HAVE YOU PEOPLE YELL AT ME?!?”

If you can’t make it to Bristol Motor Speedway for tonight’s game, make sure to subscribe to my email list. It’s the next best thing.


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