Gender reveal parties are where a couple will find out the gender of their yet-to-be born baby through a cake that’s either blue for a boy or pink for a girl. This has to involve some level of coordination between the OB-GYN and the baker, right? At this point it’s common practice I guess, but what about the first time? It had to be weird:
“Hello is this the Main Street Bakery? Great, this is Dr. Rich Collins, I’m calling on behalf of the Pattersons. They’re pregnant, and they want to find out the gender of their baby through a cake. They asked me to call you and ask if you could bake a blue cake if it’s a boy, and pink if it’s a girl. So could you bake them a blue cake? Because it’s a boy. Uh-huh. Yes. I don’t know which one of them will be coming to pick it up. It won’t be me, no. Like I said I’m just the doctor. Up until this point my only involvement has been treating the mom and finding out the gender. I’m billing them for this service as well, which is one I’ve never done before. Yeah, it’s weird for me too.
What kind of icing? Uh, jeez I don’t know….white? Whichever one won’t give away the color I guess. No, not blue. The inside should be blue. They want it to be a surprise when they cut into it. I guess? I’m not really sure why they tasked me with this. Wait, what do you mean you don’t have any blue cakes? Can’t you dye it blue? Okay, then do that. Or don’t. What do I care? Why am I helping you figure this out?
What’s that…no, no I’m not the husband. To reiterate, I am a medical professional. Yeah, I don’t know why I’m talking to you either.
Do you even know the people I’m talking about? They acted like you would know them. No offense, but who goes to the baker so often they’re on a first name basis? Do people show up to your bakery like, ‘Hey Darryl, I’m here for my weekly Boston Creme Pie. You know what to do.’ No I realize your name isn’t Daryl, I was being facetious for comedic effect.
Okay, well they asked it to be ready by Sunday. So can you do that? Perfect, I’ll let them know! Yeah…wait….what do you mean how do I intend to pay? I’m not paying. Again, I’m just the doctor. Helping with the setup of this stupid thing, nothing more. Well no, I’m not paying now and getting them to pay me back. Can’t they pay when the pick it up? What do you mean you need a deposit? Do you really have people ordering cakes then never paying for them? Tell me one time that’s happened to you….’It’s never happened because of the policy’? Oh give me a break. Alright look, you have my phone number, if they abandon this stupid baby cake I’ll come down and pay for the damn thing myself.
Can I just say how ridiculous this is? Why in the hell should a medical doctor and someone who bakes cakes ever cross paths professionally? I mean at no point in medical school did they tell us, ‘Oh and one more thing: make sure that when the patient gets pregnant, have her baker’s number saved in your contacts.’ It’s just the height of absurdity. No, I’m not mad at you, Larry. I realize you’re on my side on this. To tell you the truth, all this talk about cakes makes me kinda want one. Hey, what if I call up the Pattersons, tell them they’re not really pregnant, and I’ll come pick up the cake for myself, yeah? Sound good? What should I tell them the Ultrasound is, though? Like, the son of Satan, or maybe an alien? Uh-huh….okay, yeah I like son of Satan better too. What’s that…’spawn’ of Satan? Got it, nice touch. Dude, Larry, you should be a horror writer or something! Okay, well let me call these people and tell them their child is a demon so I can go ahead and pick up the cake intended for them…okay, I’ll be down in an hour. Can’t wait! Oh hey and Larry…make it two blue cakes that say ‘Congratulations!’ I’m hungry.”
Hey, if you want to watch a great sketch about a gender reveal party gone bad, look no further:
And don’t forget to sign up for my email list, whether you’re a boy or a girl.