Yuengling’s Ice Cream: Getting Little Kids Wasted Since 2014?

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Here’s an ad I saw for ice cream. pretty standard, right? Some kid eats ice cream. The part I’d like to draw your attention to is the brand name. Yuengling’s Ice Cream. As in the makers of Yuengling’s beer. Not sure why they got in the ice cream game, but here we are.

To start, it’s weird they have a kid in the ad. Your first assumption is the kid is getting wasted off that ice cream. Before you do any research, it looks like this ad is appealing to a divorced, disinterested Dad who has his 4 year old for the weekend. “Want to make sure little Connor is passed out by 6:30? Try Yuengling’s Rocky Road! Your kid will love you AND you’ll be able to have that prostitute over at a reasonable hour!”

I looked into it, and apparently in 2014 Yuengling got into the ice cream business, and that’s where this comes from. It’s non-alcoholic, normal ice cream with zero beer in it. Which is almost weirder, because why use the Yuengling brand name? There are other types of alcoholic ice creams. Ever hear of rum raisin? (Sidebar: who thought to put rum and raisin together in an ice cream? Why was that the pairing? Did someone think putting chocolate chips or another actually good-tasting ingredient would be too much? “Eh if it has rum rum we can’t make it TOO fun…how about we throw some old-ass grapes in there?”)

I respect that Yuengling is trying to get in on the ice cream game, but this ad is trying waaaaay too hard to appear family friendly. It’s like they know people will assume they’re all about getting wasted and are trying extra hard to prove they don’t have any alcohol. It’s the advertisement equivalent of the kid you send to talk to the cop who’s interrupting a house party. First off, the word “family” appears twice. Secondly, the only other non-family thing in here is the meaningless superlative of “super premium,” which makes the ad sound like it was badly translated from a foreign language. “Enjoy Yuengling’s Fantastic Cream of Ice Very Good Yum Yum Time!”

One thing I can tell you: hardcore alcoholics trying to trick their family into thinking they’re sober will be very disappointed. You know at least one dude is getting out of an AA meeting and thinking, “How can I get wasted without the beer cans or liquor bottles laying around?” Then he sees this in the frozen food section and a lightbulb goes off. Maybe he eats it at the next family gathering and it has a placebo effect. He’s staggering around while everyone wonders how in the hell he got drunk under their supervision. Then his brother in law digs through the trash, reads the ‘Yuengling’ tag, holds up the carton, and says to everyone through tears, “It wasn’t the whiskey this time. It was…the butter pecan.”

But hey, good for Yuengling’s for trying to branch out. I respect their entrepreneurial spirit…even if they still have no clue how to pronounce a word spelled “Yuengling.” They pronounce it as “Yingling’s” when it should be pronounced “Yoo-eng-ling’s.” They should even change their slogan to match that:

“Yoo-eng-ling’s Ice Cream: We’ll Get Your Kid Fucked Up. Nah, It’s Non-Alcoholic, We’re Just Playing. Or Are We?”

Not one person has ever gotten drunk signing up for my email list, so all sober or non-sober people owe it to themselves to do it.

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