The other day my brother sent me this text (Shawn and Dominic are his sons and my nephews, aged 7 and 10 respectively):
So to recap: Shawn, answering a call from a phone made of Legos, claimed he had just spoken with Jackie Robinson, the former Brooklyn Dodger who broke baseball’s color barrier in 1947. On top of that, he claimed Robinson had his leg amputated. He then, along with current New York Yankees outfielder Brett Gardner, purchased a cookie cake for the former Dodgers’ slugger.
All this did was raise more questions. To get to the bottom of his, I had to ask the following:
Is Jackie Robinson alive in this scenario? Jackie Robinson passed away in 1972. If Shawn’s theory is that Jackie faked his own death, that means he’d now be 97 years old. Shawn also expects us to believe that upon having his leg amputated as a 97 year old man, the first call Jackie placed was to not his 94 year old wife Rachel, but to a 7 year old kid who’s probably a fan of his after reading about him in a book at school.
Or is Jackie dead and communicating with him from beyond the grave? Is Shawn a medium that can only talk to dead baseball players? Will he be answering his Lego phone the next night only to say, “Mom, Dad, it’s Mickey Mantle. He asked if you could pick up more whiskey for the next time he haunts the kitchen.”
Why did they have to cut his leg off? Was there an infection or did Jackie take part in some kind of ill-advised stunt no 100 year old man should be taking part in? Was it gangrene or did he lose it trying to snowboard down the side of K2?
Who’s ‘they?’ “They had to cut his leg off.” Seems a bit ominous, no? Who is “they” referring to? Doctors? The government? Or let’s say he’s not actually alive. He’s a ghost. Why would you need to cut his leg off? Can ghosts have legs? Would you need to utilize Ghostbuster technology to make an incision in a ghost? Was the instrument used to cut off his leg a proton pack?
Why go with a cookie cake? Answering this question is the Rosetta Stone of figuring out what really happened here. Here’s why: I wasn’t able to find out when the first cookie cake was invented, but I did some research into the Great American Cookie Company, a prominent purveyor of cookie cakes. According to their website, their first store opened in Atlanta in 1977. That’s 5 years after Jackie “died” so presumably there’s no reason he would know about cookie cakes. So when he either resurfaced, was resurrected, or existed as a ghost in 2016, for some reason Shawn thought the best treat to help him deal with his amputated leg was a cookie cake. Was that Shawn’s idea, or did Jackie request one? Because if he did, this may establish a prior relationship between the two. They may have been talking desserts when it came up (“Have you ever had a cookie cake, Jackie? Oh man. You haven’t lived.”) Shawn would have had to tell him about their existence. There’s no way Jackie (or, if he’s actually dead, Ghost Jackie) could know about them.
So far, the cookie cake component of the story is the aspect that most leads me to believe it’s possibly true.
Why go halves with Brett Gardner? I bought him a Brett Gardner jersey for his birthday last year so this one is actually pretty easy to explain. How he got Gardner’s contact info to arrange the dessert purchase though, I’ll never know. Although, hey, Jackie Robinson had his home number and was calling him to tell him about his amputation, so I guess relatively speaking texting with Brett Gardner isn’t that big a deal.
Did Brett Gardner at least pay for it? Because if he didn’t, what a jerk, right? I mean you make millions of dollars, and this little kid comes to you with this great idea to get Jackie Robinson a cookie cake to help him feel better about losing his leg, and you refuse to pick up the tab for it? That’s cold, man.
Final verdict: There are too many unanswered questions in this story, so I’m going to go out on a limb and deduce Shawn is making the whole thing up. Of course now the one-legged ghost of Jackie Robinson will probably haunt me. Which would actually be pretty cool. Oh wait, I forgot one last question: How do you get service with a phone made out of Legos?
***UPDATE*** I had a seance using a Dodgers-themed Ouija board and heard from Jackie. After telling him he was a bum who couldn’t play (I am, after all, a Yankee fan) he told me to tell everyone reading this to subscribe to my monthly newsletter. He even said he’d do it from Heaven. And hey, if Ghost Jackie Robinson tells you to do something, who are you to say no?