Today is the second annual Amazon Prime Day. Last year shoppers complained the items Amazon offered at a discount were subpar. After doing some research, I’ve come up with the best products you can get deals on this time around:
* Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos’ old lawnmower that, if he’s being honest, he was planning to throw out anyway
* Authentic, game-worn Peyton Manning football jerseys signed by Cooper Manning
* Many Blu Rays that look suspiciously like old Hall and Oates CD with the CD title scratched out in favor of a random movie name
* A slab of Amazon Prime Rib, Amazon’s short-lived and ill-advised foray into the mail order steak game
* A used iPhone with a busted speaker so any time you ask Siri a question she goes, “Huh? Speak up.” in an agitated voice
* Celebrity sex tapes, but only featuring unattractive celebrities
* As much “Feel the Bern” swag as your little hands are willing to carry from your local Amazon warehouse
* Courtside season tickets for the Golden State Warriors (2002-2003 season)
* An all access pass to the Olympic Games in Rio. The only catch is you have to be injected with Zika first to “get it over with”
* The services of a guy who will come to your house, stand near your front window, and yell, “They’re here,” when Amazon packages arrive
