The Best Deals for Amazon Prime Day

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Today is the second annual Amazon Prime Day. Last year shoppers complained the items Amazon offered at a discount were subpar. After doing some research, I’ve come up with the best products you can get deals on this time around:  

* Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos’ old lawnmower that, if he’s being honest, he was planning to throw out anyway

* Authentic, game-worn Peyton Manning football jerseys signed by Cooper Manning

* Many Blu Rays that look suspiciously like old Hall and Oates CD with the CD title scratched out in favor of a random movie name

* A slab of Amazon Prime Rib, Amazon’s short-lived and ill-advised foray into the mail order steak game

* A used iPhone with a busted speaker so any time you ask Siri a question she goes, “Huh? Speak up.” in an agitated voice

* Celebrity sex tapes, but only featuring unattractive celebrities

* As much “Feel the Bern” swag as your little hands are willing to carry from your local Amazon warehouse

* Courtside season tickets for the Golden State Warriors (2002-2003 season)

* An all access pass to the Olympic Games in Rio. The only catch is you have to be injected with Zika first to “get it over with”

* The services of a guy who will come to your house, stand near your front window, and yell, “They’re here,” when Amazon packages arrive

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