There’s a grocery store right at the end of my block. It’s a decent place to get groceries. It has everything I need and it’s big. Or at least big by New York standards, which means you can fit two people in an aisle instead of the usual bodega standard of half a person.
There is one problem with it, and it’s the manager. He’s a friendly enough guy but every day he comes in wearing a really nice, tailored suit without a tie. In short, he dresses exactly like Pitbull. You know, the horrible rapper? Not the breed of dog.
This troubles me for a number of reason.
First off: “tailored suit” is an odd wardrobe choice for his chosen profession. No one goes to Savile Row, has some bespoke tailoring done, then thinks, “This is really going to impress everyone back at Kroger.”
I’m all for dressing professionally, but to clear that bar all he needs is a button down, a tie, and maybe an apron. They say you should dress for the job you want. Apparently he’s going for strip club bouncer.
Pitbull stirs a lot of emotions in people. Some find his music his terrible and his personality grating. Others (let’s call this group “idiots”) love him. Whatever you think, nothing about his clothing screams “someone you trust around your food.” He always looks like he just rolled out of a club at 3 am. Do you want someone handling your produce after he’s been exposed to club bacteria? No amount of hand sanitizer in the world could be applied to make me feel comfortable with that transaction. Salads can take many forms, with almost infinite combinations of ingredients depending on the person. You know one ingredient no one wants on their salad? Lettuce that tastes like club rat butt cheek.
Here’s the most offensive part of Mr. Worldwide’s attire: I go to this store almost every day and they repeatedly sell items way past the expiration date. I’ve never run a grocery store, but I feel like not selling expired items is day one shit. It definitely should be way higher on your to-do list than looking like Danny Ocean. You’re telling me you have time to dress like a discount rack Kingsman but you can’t check the mozzarella to see it turned in October 2013? You can come in wearing a tux for all I care, but if I get food poisoning because you were too busy fixing your cummerbund you can best believe I’m taking issue with your prioritization skills.
This place has other issues. The creepy guy behind the seafood counter awkwardly hits on women all the time but that’s a story for another day. Also he wears the standard issue seafood guy lab coat, which is the correct thing for a guy in his position to wear so thematically it wouldn’t fit with the rest of this blog.
To recap: the manager at this random grocery store in Queens dresses weird but is probably an okay guy. The seafood counter guy wears the appropriate attire but is a piece of shit.