Hobby Lobby Aftermath: Which Arts and Craft Stores Pay for Birth Control?


HobbyLobby
Yesterday the Supreme Court ruled in favor of arts and craft store Hobby Lobby, saying the U.S. government cannot force a corporation to pay their employees’ insurance costs for contraception. In light of this I decided to do a little detective work: I called the people in charge at several other arts and crafts outlets to see if birth control was covered under their employees’ health benefits. Here’s what they had to say: 

Michael’s CEO Chuck Rubin
“Not only do we cover women’s birth control, we give every male employee a jimmy hat stipend.”

Walmart CEO C. Douglas McMillon
“We offer all employees plenty of guidance on how to prevent storks carrying babies to their house. Is that good enough?” After a long, awkward pause in which he cleared his throat several times, McMilon added, “I don’t understand the human reproductive system.”

Jo-Ann from Jo-Ann’s Fabrics and Craft Store
“We didn’t before, but now to spite the Supreme Court we’re going to start. I may even go outside and start paying for the birth control of random passersby like Oprah.”

Edna Bennett, owner of locally owned Toledo craft store Craftin’ With Edna
“We don’t offer benefits, but I have a standing offer to all employees: use anything in the store for anything you want. You’d be surprised what you can do with a ball of string, a generous helping of felt, and a festive Christmas tin.”

AC Moore president and COO Joseph A. Jeffries 
“What is the popular public opinion at this time? Whatever it is, we do that.”

Enasco Online Arts and Crafts Store CEO Ricky Enasco
“We give each employee a glossy headshot of Steve Buscemi and tell ’em to tape it to their bedroom nightstand. That usually does the trick.”

CEO Dick Blick of Dick Blick Art Materials
“Is this a serious question? Check the name tag, Chief. The name’s Dick Blick. A name like that just oozes male sexuality and machismo. I always give the ladies EXACTLY what they want.” Mr. Blick then concluded the interview by ripping off his tearaway pants, gyrating his hips in front of a throng of adoring female fans, and asking me if I “wanted in on any of this action.”

Antonin’s Art Supplies CEO, President and Founder Antonin Scalia
“No we do not.”

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