Spoiler Alert: Details About the New Commissioner Gordon Series

GordonFox has greenlit a new series called “Gotham,” which will focus on Commissioner Jim Gordon before the emergence of Batman. I’ve gotten my hands on scripts for the first few episodes, and here are some details:

* 18 pages of the first episode’s script deal with Gordon fixing a paper jam in the MCU’s copier.

* The colorful villains from Batman’s Rogues Gallery have been replaced by the Litterbug, J-Walker, and a crack dealer named Dale.

* Gordon’s trademark moustache replaced with a soulpatch that just makes you want to punch him.

* The Bat Signal replaced by Gordon just calling his detectives and asking them why they aren’t at work.

* Bruce Wayne does exists in this universe; it just turns out he realized spending recklessly and banging supermodels is way more awesome than fighting crime.

* One of the episodes is clearly just a ripped off script from Law and Order: SVU with the names Stabler and Benson scratched out and replaced with “Gordon” and “Gordon’s assistant.”

* Harvey Dent is referred to as Two-Face because he always makes his wife decide where they go to dinner and then criticizes whatever choice she makes. (“Hmm. Doesn’t matter. Whatever you want is fine. TGI Friday’s? But babe didn’t we have Friday’s last week?”) Oh, and also he has Bell’s Palsy.

* With no superhero vigilante to use all of his gadgets, Lucius Fox sells all his weapons to some Syrian guy who wants to be Batman in Syria, where they need him way more than we do.

* In a jarring breakdown of the fourth wall, whenever Gotham’s detectives find themselves in a tough spot the script calls for them to look directly into the camera to say, “Gee, it would really help if Batman were a thing right about now!”

* For the really big problems, Gordon just calls Superman.

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