* The phone’s lower price looks great until you realize it’s made of cardboard and powered by a hand crank.
* No matter what address you enter, GPS always leads you to the same Fuddruckers.
* Annoying new “What kind of person are you?” app reminds you to call your Mom every four days.
* Plastic back almost sure to end up in the ocean choking out a couple dolphins.
* For some reason, Siri coughs a lot.
* No fingerprint scanning like with the 5S – to gain access to this one you just text your social security number directly to some guy named Snake.
* New case is just a bunch of tin foil duct taped to the back of it.
* There’s no camera, they just give you a coupon to redeem for a recycled Polaroid.
* Unlike the 5S, it’s not gold-colored, meaning Apple may miss out on its key demographic of Scrooge McDuck.
* They got so wrapped up with all the other features, they actually forgot to make it a working phone that can make calls.