Tim Tebow signed with the New England Patriots yesterday. Due to Tebow’s inconsistent play and the Patriots stablility at QB, he’s unlikely to be the team’s main signal caller. But what role will Bill Belichick find for the NFL’s most polarizing figure? Here are some ideas:
Not many people know this, but “Who can throw the most wobbly spirals?” is actually the 14th playoff tiebreaker.
PUT HIM AT TIGHT END
Might as well find another position he can be mediocre at to justify keeping him on the team for a reason other than “lots of white people like him.”
Would be the perfect role for the ultra-religious Tebow if Belichick didn’t force all incoming free agents and draftees to swear allegience to Satan.
Oh wait – that’s right, the Patriots have a real quarterback so they don’t need one of these. Next.
Actually, he could probably serve this role for the entire NFL.
BRING DANNY AMENDOLA FLOWERS IN THE HOSPITAL
The oft-injured wide receiver will need something to cheer him up. Perhaps Tebow could wear a clown costume ala Patch Adams?
PRACTICE SQUAD MIRACLE WORKER
He’s good for at least 1 or 2 come from behind victories while the important players get treatment.
BE THE NEW “WES WELKER”
No one’s had the balls to tell Brady yet that Welker signed with Denver, so slap an 83 on ol’ Timmy Boy and see if Tom notices the difference.
GUY IN CHARGE OF LOWERING GOATS INTO BIANCA WILFORK’S PEN DURING FEEDING TIME
Actually this won’t work. Everyone knows Bianca Wilfork doesn’t want to be fed, she wants to hunt.
BEING HUNTED BY BIANCA WILFORK
They won’t let her catch him of course. It’s just to keep her engaged and get her a little exercise.