Dominos Pizza is testing a drone delivery program, where a small drone helicopter delivers pizzas in place of their usual human delivery service. Here are some of the initial reports of hiccups the program is facing so far:
* Delivery boys everywhere are planning a huge protest as soon as they get done huffing paint for three, maybe four hours.
* The Jewish drones keep insisting they’ll only serve kosher pizzas.
* Could face multiple hijackings if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ever become an actual thing.
* Despite being wowed by the advanced technology, customers are disappointed when they realize it’s still carrying Dominos.
* The drones admitted they’re only doing it until they save up enough for community college.
* After accidently bombing a Kurdish village during a test run, the CEO of Dominos released a commercial where he pledged, “Next time, we’ll get it right. And by get it right, I mean we’ll actually deliver pizzas instead of murdering people. Why did we even put guns on this thing?”
* If you thought “pizza boy” was a pathetic way to make a living, how about “guy who operates toy helicopter delivering pizzas?”
* Any time they break down they’ll have to take it to Radio Shack for repairs. We all know how depressing that place can be.
* Commercial drone flights are illegal in the U.S. until 2015. Since Dominos is not the U.S. government attempting to wipe out U.S. citizens without trial, they’re out of luck.
* Program may be scrapped when someone with common sense realizes America has declined to the point where we are now building robots to help us get fatter.