How Will Facebook Spend Its Tax Refund?

facebookDespite massive profits, Facebook is getting a tax refund to the tune of $429 million. How exactly do Zuckerberg and Co. intend to spend the extra dough?

* Create a new position and have a full-time salaried employee ‘like’ all status updates so no one feels unpopular.

*  Buy a personality for Mark Zuckerberg.

* Throw a party headlined by Gallagher and have him smash 429 million watermelons.

* Should be able to afford a metric shit-ton of Farmville supplies.

* Purchase the rights to The Social Network, heavily edit the film and change its name to Zombieland II.

* Fund a study conducted by a team of top scientists to finally figure out what the hell it means when someone pokes you.

* Put $10 grand in a bag and burn it right in front of some MySpace developers just to remind them who is king.

* This probably means they can stop selling personal information to telemarketers and the Chinese.

* Whores.

* A year long subscription to MAXIM magazine for all their programmers who don’t realize that internet porn exists.

* Not sure if they actually plan to do this, but if at least one Facebook staffer doesn’t fill a giant room with coins and swim in it like Scrooge McDuck, they’re going to regret it for the rest of their lives.

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