Important Facts About Tropical Storm Isaac

Tropical Storm Isaac is supposed to make landfall in the U.S. in mere hours. In order to better prepare for the impending threat, here is some data on the storm as it bears down on the Gulf Coast:

* Like everything else named Isaac, it is actually a black guy from the ’70’s.

* HUGE Dr. Who fan.

* Unable to become full-fledged hurricane  after it knocked up Tropical Storm Joyce and was forced to drop out of hurricane college.

* While its effects may be deadly, the fact that it has the word “tropical” in its title leads me to believe it’s probably pretty laid back and chill.

* Not many people know this, but like every tropical storm it’s actually just made up of light rainwater and Tropical Skittles. So if you go outside during it you should be ok, but only if you close your eyes, smile as the small fruity candies hit your face, and whisper, “TASTE THE RAINBOW.”

* Matching the same path as Hurricane Katrina has led some in the media to refer to it as the “Carlos Mencia of  Cyclones.”

* Its only mission? Find and destroy the devil spawn of Snooki.

*  Made a deal with the federal government: allowed to make landfall in the U.S. as long as it only destroys poor people’s stuff.

*  Runner-up for the 2012 award of “Storm That Sounds Most Like an Old Jewish Guy.” The winner? Squall Bernie.

* It originated near Cuba and is working it’s way towards Florida, presumably to get a low paying job as a migrant worker.

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