The Sweet Science of Robot Boxing

Real Steel starring Hugh Jackman opened as the number one film at the box office last weekend, taking in over $27 million. I haven’t seen it, but I’m guessing it’s predictable. An idea like this has so much potential. If I’m directing Real Steel, here are some potential subplots I include to make it a little more interesting:

* Have Jackman’s roots in the robot combat game begin in the sordid world of robot cockfighting.

* Training montage that features the robot lifting, running, taking a break to go fight some Decepticons, and doing pilates.

* Cameo from Optimus Prime as the robot’s gruff yet loving trainer, Gus.

* After one of the fights, Larry Merchant gets into a shouting match with a Terminator.  

* The ring card girl is just a Macbook Pro in a bikini.

* Change the title to Reel Steel and have Jackman host a movie review chat show with another robot. The climax of the film is a verbal confrontation over the merits of Dolphin Tale.

* In one of those jerkoff M. Night Shymalan endings, it turns out that all the humans are robots and the robots are people, or something else that makes you feel stupid.

* The final bout is between Jackman’s robot and a really cocky asshole of a diesel generator named Floyd MayRobot.

* After years of scandal and corruption, robot boxing is eventually suppassed in popularity by robot MMA.

* At the end, this one guy makes a soliloquy about how robot boxing’s emergence is a metaphor for how technology is enveloping the human existence. Before he can finish, his head is crushed by Mallety, a robot boxer with mallets for hands. The crowd roars as Jackman high fives an automatic can opener and we fade to black.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s