Welcome back for Part 2 of my recap and review of The Muppet Christmas Carol. Click here for Part 1.
Once Scrooge bounces from the office, Kermit is free to do a quick dance number with the office rats about how happy he is to be off for Christmas. They all sing and dance while they clean up the office for the day, while Kermit manages to hide his disgust for these garbage dwelling monsters. I was rooting for a scene where the rats are dancing around, and one says, “Hey guys – free cheese under this box being held up by a stick!” Then after they all get stuck under it, Kermit wraps it as a Christmas present, walks out the door whistling, and donates it to Toys for Tots.
Our hero Scrooge goes home and tries to chill out for a bit after his door knocker morphs into a weird old guy. It’s like any scene in X-Men where Mystique turned into Magneto. Scrooge wears the standard night time uniform for English people at the time: robe and nightcap. What is the point of a nightcap? You’re basically saying, “I want to look like Dumbledore for the next 8-10 hours.” Then in an effort to take the edge off before bed, this extravagantly wealthy man decides to dine on…some bread and cheese? Is that the best he can afford? I’d expect him to show up at the office every morning picking his teeth, saying, “You should have come to my place for dinner, Bob. I had Taylor Swift and Megan Fox feed me lobster and creme brulee. Who are those people? Oh, they’re entertainers from the year 2010. Oh, and also, I bought a time machine. Make sure the rats don’t shit in it.”
Scrooge is then haunted by the ghosts of the Marley brothers, played here by the two old guys Statler and Waldorf. In the book, presumably Marley just died of old age. But if there are two Marleys, and they both died at the same time, that means their deaths had to be related somehow. They don’t really explain it, though. I guess it wouldn’t be appropriate in a Muppet movie to hear Statler say, “Hey Scrooge: don’t share a needle with a junkie, like I did with my brother here! It just causes complications….complications FROM HIV! OH-HO-HO.”
Now it’s onto the Ghost of Christmas Past, which isn’t even a Muppet. This is understandable, since there aren’t many Muppets who could fit Dickens’ description of the character. Plus, this portion has some tender moments not fit for someone like say, the Swedish chef. Look bro, I don’t know who you are or what you do, but if you say ‘Hurdy Schmurdy’ one more time while I watch the love of my life walk out on me, I’m going to stick your unibrowed face right up your Scandanavian ass.
Fozzy Bear and Sam the Eagle both make appearances during Scrooge’s youth. Fozzy is underused, but I’m not sure why Sam the Eagle gets so much screen time. He was always my least favorite Muppet. It’s like they got painted Peter Boyle blue and covered him with feathers. Anyway, Fozzy introduces Scrooge to his future girlfriend, Belle, who eventually leaves him because he’s such a dickhead. Of course, in the novel, Belle is shown to be happily married with a family. It’s probably a wise move not to bring her back at the end for a senior citizen reunion. I don’t think he’d be pumped to see a saggy 85 year old. Doubt she’d get more than an awkward hug and a pat on the back while Scrooge says, “Whoa! I mean…hey you!”
Next time: part 3, in which Scrooge meets the Ghost of Christmas Present, played by a giant Muppet resembling Al Borland. Howdy, Scrooge.