A Collection of LiveTweets From Strasburg's Debut

I scored tickets to Stephen Strasburg’s debut Tuesday night, so I grabbed the most knowledgeable baseball fan I know and headed down to beautiful Southeast D.C.  It was easily the best DC sporting event I’ve attended in person, and one of the coolest atmospheres at any gave I’ve ever seen live. Here are my tweets from throughout the night. I’ve cleaned them up and elaborated somewhat on the jokes, so if you want the originals just click the link to your right. Consider this The Strasburg Tweets: Director’s Cut. Some of my commentary is on Strasburg; most of it is on the atmosphere at the game. A lot of people are going to say he looked awesome. They are absolutely right so I didn’t want to add to the Strasburg Suckfest here all that much. Here they are, in chronological order:


  • Metro report – just overheard a Pirates fan talking trash about the Penguins. Whatever you need to do to sleep at night bro.
  • The organist just played the Black Eyed Peas – I assumed all organists are 105, so this is surprising.
  • When I was a kid, thought it would be awesome to be in the grounds crew. Now I realize your just a janitor with an audience.
  • Stras is on the field…and one of his warm up tosses just cured cancer.
  • The Nats mascot, a muscular eagle, is in waaaay too good shape. I want a weird looking animal that looks like it has high blood pressure. #philliephanatic
  • Ken Burns is getting interviewed at home plate. Just from the look of him you know he gets wedgies on the reg.
  • …and Ken Burns throws a perfect strike for the opening pitch, thereby pwning my previous tweet.
  • A dude who looks exactly like Artie Lange’s dad from Dirty Work is sitting in front of us #wouldabeenalotbetterifyoubroughtmeawhore. I would have also accepted the grandfather from Problem Child or the owner from The Replacements. I looked up more info later, and it turns out his name was Jack Warden and he is dead.
  • Someone referred to as internationally known recording artist Jared plays the National Anthem on sax. He looks like Kenny Powers…on a bad day. Serious, check him out. As soon as I saw him I legitimately thought Danny McBride was doing a bit.
  • Also, Baltimore fans who still yell “OH!” during the anthem should have internationally known recording artist Jared sit on their face.
  • The guy next to me just said, “First pitch is going to be a strikeout!” Strikeout on one pitch? Who is he, Bugs Bunny? Another non-baseball related gem this guy laid on his friends later, “Right now I’m just working at Target for the money.” As opposed to what? The people who work there for the love of stocking shelves and red aprons?

The Game

  • Time for a historic event – Lastings Milledge’s return to DC #shittyprodigalson
  • 3 up, 3 down. Got first 2 without throwing a strike. Now time to watch Nats fans pretend Christian Guzman is a star.
  • Nyjer Morgan…sounds like Ted Kennedy trying to say, “Nyja.”
  • Strasburg hits 100 mph on a ball inside. Crowd goes nuts. Sums up DC’s baseball knowledge.
  • Pudge is still alive?!?
  • Scoreboard just showed a video of Screech the Eagle skydiving. Shouldn’t he fly? What a shitty eagle.
  • Now the scoreboard tells Nats fans to wave their caps. Somewhere a portly bald man furiously shakes his head no.
  • Stras gives up his first bomb. He reacts by throwing his glove into the stands and running away.
  • In the President’s Race, Giant Headed Thomas Jefferson wins. His post-race plans are to throw down at Club Fur with harem of Giant Headed slaves.
  • Lastings Milledge guns down Josh Willingham at home. Everyone in the park is impressed, but the guys outside waiting to rob us shrug, as they do that all the time.
  • Fans in center trying to get a wave going! Yeah…..go fuck yourselves.
  • The T-Shirt Toss raises an interesting question: what’s more important, giveaway clothing or dignity retention?
  • Gotdamn this kid can deal.
  • And now the Nats take Stras out between innings so he gets no ovation. Bush league move.
  • Nyjer Morgan’s intro music? “Blow the Whistle.” First rap song to encourage snitching?
  • Former Yankee Tyler Clippard replaces Strasburg. Guy behind us yells “Don’t blow this Clippard!” Sounds like more insightful commentary from DC’s smartest new talk show, Rightfield Mezzanine Douches.
  • Nats fans bailing en masse. In fairness to them, baseball games are 8 innings long.
  • Flip to first and its over. Easily the best live game I’ve ever seen that will have no impact on the World Series.

2 thoughts on “A Collection of LiveTweets From Strasburg's Debut

  1. Pingback: Foursquare of July « JimEltringham.com

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