F My Life (As Batman)

The Dark Knight 2, or Batman Begins 3, officially has a release date.  After the last installment, you’d think it’s pretty good to be Batman. But it can’t all be good. And that got me to thinking: what if Batman, with no avenue in which to complain, took to social networking status updates to voice gripes with his day to day grind? What would that look like? Today, we find out, in a new series I like to call F My Life (As Batman):

* Gotta love it when you’re roused out of a great nap to answer the red phone and it turns out Commissioner Gordon thought he was calling MovieFone #FMLAB
* Once again, Alfred’s accidently buys DIET Snapple instead of regular  #FMLAB
* Walked in on Robin cranking one out to a WANTED poster with Poison Ivy on it #FMLAB

* Do you realize how hard it is to get a batshit stain out of an alpaca fur carpet? #FMLAB

* Seems like every time I sit down to pwn a sandwich from Quiznos, some rookie down at MCU flips on the Bat-signal for some donk jaywalking # FMLAB

* Trying to enjoy a nice time at the movies with Catwoman, but some a-hole keeps kicking the back of my seat #FMLAB

* Running into 7-11, saw a vehicle parked in a fire lane. Was all set to let it slide til I realized the guy in the car was Two-Face waiting on Bane to pick up his scratch tickets #FMLAB

* It seems like Cinemax doesn’t put any of the good pornos on during the Free Preview weekends # FMLAB

 * Note to Lucius: spare me the smug eye roll every time I ask a question about a gadget #FMLAB

* Nothing more awkward then being in line at Starbucks and loudly ridiculing anyone who gets a cold drink there only to turn around and see Mr. Freeze behind you in line # FMLAB
* Who knew you couldn’t machine wash a cape? #FMLAB
* Hate it when the edited version of Heat comes on USA at 3AM, so I go to pop in the DVD only to realize I never got around to getting Heat on DVD #FMLAB

* Took Vicki Vale to Gotham Chuckle Hut and got heckled by the MC….really, bro? How about you are the MC, and I am Batman #FMLAB

That’s all for today. Tune in next week for another new running series, Shit Captain America Says.


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