Every once in awhile I like to let local celebrities guest blog. Today’s guest blogger: Washington Nationals manager Jim Riggleman, discussing the Nationals newest acquisition, pitcher Chien Ming Wang:
Gotta tell you, I’m pretty psyched. Chien Ming Wang is a consummate professional. A groundball pitcher who doesn’t get tired easily. He’ll be a real asset to this club as we try to grow and win at the same time. Most importantly, he’ll allow us to blare Wang Chung out of the loudspeakers at Nationals Stadium on an endless loop whenever he pitches.
It’s no secret that I’m a notorious Wang Chung fan. Own all their albums. Went on all their tours. Hell, I was arrested in ’87 for stalking Steve Perry, then when caught asked, “Wait, is he Wang or Chung?” I don’t need to tell you how disappointed I was when I found out he was neither.
The thing we like most about Chien Ming Wang is his sinkerball. It allows for him to get lots of groundball outs. The only thing better than groundball outs is holding an alarm clock blaring Wang Chung in front of your kid’s face as he wakes up for his first day of school. Take it from me, Jim “Wang Chung”‘ Riggleman: these Nationals are going to get more ground ball outs than any other team ever has. I’ll bet my Wang Chung Rolling Stone cover, which is really just had a picture of the Rolling Stones with pictures of Wang Chung taped over it.
Do you even get how ballsy it was of them to name themselves after their best song? That’s a statement. That would be like if the Nats changed their name to the Washington Rigglemans, which is ridiculous. It’s not like I brought up that idea in our front office meetings.
I tell you, I get goosebumps thinking about Wang’s first start. The crowd will roar as he jogs in from the bullpen, ready to save our season. He’s reminded that he needs to RIP IT UP….MOVE DOWN. RIP IT UP….MOVE IT DOWN TO THE GROUND. As he confidently glares in at the catcher, a reassuring voice over the PA system reminds him that everybody will have fun tonight….so long as everyone Wangs Chung tonight. As the song plays, over and over during the game, even while the other team is pitching, he’ll get amped up and strike everyone out. He’ll be so focused he won’t even notice his own manager furiously beating off in the dugout.
If you’ll pardon the pun, I think the signing of Chien Ming Wang will signify the start of a national movement. Across the nation, around the world….everyone will Wang Washington Nationals tonight. I for one can’t wait. Now, you may ask yourself, “Jim, do you think the team will mind having that song play over and over whenever Wang pitches?” To that I say, it’s my team. If the owners or GM don’t like it, they can become a manager of their own team. I’ve worked damn hard to become the manager of a team that features Wang Chung as its team song, and I’ll be damned if I let some front office egghead stand in the way of my dream.
I’ve given up a lot for this opportunity. I quit working for owners who hated the song. I fired coaches of mine who wouldn’t listen to it. I even sold one of my kids. But the long and short of it is that Jim Riggelman, as a little boy, wanted to manage a team that played Wang Chung constantly every five days. And now I have a perfect excuse to make that happen and overplay one of my two favorite songs.
Now…once we sign that AA catcher Rick TwoTicketsToParadise, we’ll really be good to go.