One of my favorite things to do is make fun of bad movies. I went to see Van Helsing and Troy with the express purpose of cracking jokes. To me, it’s just as entertaining to sit through 2 Fast 2 Furious as it is to watch Godfather Part II. In fact, if I was Robert Evans, I would have changed its title to 2 Corleone, 2 Furious.
Anyway, Wolverine comes out this Friday, and it looks like a bona fide turd; this means that I’m as excited for this film as any other blockbuster coming out this summer. So, I’m offering up my second annual trivia challenge to all the ladies out there: whichever young lovely answers the most questions correctly wins a trip to see Wolverine with me. This isn’t like any movie date, however. Throughout the entire movie, I will make fun of Wolverine.
1) I will crack jokes throughout the entire film, including the previews and end credits. You are welcome to contribute, but remember that this is my show, not yours.
2) I will require one (1) large popcorn, and one (1) large Coca Cola. You may purchase whatever you like for yourself.
3) You may make one 9-11 joke. It must be in relation to something Gambit says or does.
4) If at any time during the film I have to use the restroom, you’ve got to follow me out to the lobby to listen to any jokes I might think of on my way to the john. You do not have to uncoil it for me.
5) No making out whenever Hugh Jackman is on screen. While it is a horrible movie, and the producers messed up the X-Men franchise big time, Jackman does a solid job in these and he deserves our respect. Hard to show respect when you’re sucking face.
6) After the film, we can go get coffee so you can go over which jokes of mine you liked the best. Oh, that’s the other thing – bring a notepad so you can take copious notes.
7) Also, in the post-Wolverine coffee recap, we’ll speculate on casting for the upcoming Avengers movie. After I scoff at your casting choices for Captain America and Thor, I’ll explain to you why I think Eddie Murphy should play both roles.
Those are the rules. Best of luck to you. On with the trivia challenge:
1) You wouldn’t like the Incredible Hulk when he’s….
3) What historical event better represents what X3 did to the X-Men franchise – Auschwitz or Darfur?
Good luck and get going! Deadline is Thursday at 10:30. Once I tell you that you’ve won, drive over to my place and pick me up so we can go check out a midnight showing. Get tickets online first, if you can. Don’t worry, I’ll pay you back. You know I’m good for it.