Don't Pity the Fool

I had a show last night at the Uptown Tavern at Cleveland Park. The crowd was sparse and unforgiving. My first three jokes were all met with icy silence. I made a joke about the fact that nobody was laughing. Most of the crowd laughed, except for one girl sitting off to the side of me.

All she said was, “Awwww!”

Unless you’re reacting to a puppy, I think public awwing should be banned. What does it accomplish? You’re basically announcing to the audience, “Hey. I feel bad for this guy. Let’s all make a noise that will show how pathetic we think he is.”

“Awww!” is not what you say when a comic is bombing. It’s what you say when a three year old craps himself in public.

It didn’t really affect me, because I was able to make fun of the girl doing the awwing and have everybody laugh at her. But in most situations, how are you making the person being awwed feel any better? If anything, it worse. By vocalizing your pity, you’re exposing to everyone just how shitty the situation is. Isn’t there a better alternative? How about just yelling out, “I can’t believe how awesome you are compared to how shitty this situation is going!”

Here are some situations throughout history that wouldn’t have helped by someone being on hand to say, “Awww!”:

* The atomic bomb hitting Hiroshima

* 9/11

* The death of Len Bias

* The Holocaust

* The assassination of President William McKinley

* The crucifixion of Jesus Christ

* Pretty much any bad thing that ever happened anywhere, ever

You know who could have better used your “Awww!” on Friday, lady at Uptown Tavern? O.J. Simpson.


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