Just Once I'd Like to Be Bounty Hunted

Once you get over the initial shock of having a bounty hunter going after you, it would be awesome. It means that you’ve done something important that pissed somebody off. You don’t send bounty hunters after outstanding parking tickets.

You know you’re in for a real great battle assuming he doesn’t catch you right off the bat. It’s not like they’re are any shitty bounty hunters out there, or they wouldn’t keep getting work.

And it would be a great test. I’d have to work out and train for our inevitable showdown, so I’d get in incredible shape. Then I’d need to find some guy who could supply me with gadgets that I could use to combat the bounty hunter’s gadgets.

You know what….I definitely smell a screenplay.

Right now we’ll call it Mike v. Bounty Hunter. A mild-mannered schlub (Mike Eltringham) is going about his day at the office when a grappling hook shatters his window and pulls him to the ground. A bounty hunter named Grapplehook Man (Clive Owen) has been commissioned to bring our hero (who we’ll call Schlub McGee) into the vicious mob boss, Tony Balboni (Jason Giambi, with mustache). Only thing is, the bounty hunter has the wrong guy! Things heat up when Schlub manages to escape and meets up with an old gadget hound known as the Raw Dog (Jeff Bridges) who makes him a ton of gadgets that he can use against Grapplehook Man. While Schlub goes head to head with the bounty hunter, it’s up to Schlub’s lovable curmudgen of a boss (Harrison Ford), his girlfriend (Mary McCormack) and his best friend (George Clooney) to find him while he’s on the run.

Throw a sassy 7 year old, a puppy, and Michael Mann into that mix, then watch me get the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay. Book it.

We’ll call it Schlub McGee v. The Grapplehook Man With the Help of the Raw Dog.


One thought on “Just Once I'd Like to Be Bounty Hunted

  1. Where did you come up with the name tony Balboni as a mob boss? I like the name. I gave it go my son, and I am also named tony Balboni as well as my great grandfather. I am flattered eventhough it trully is type casting. If you want one of the original tony Balboni’s to play the part let me know.

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