NFL Preview: NFC South

I’ve been running a series of guest blogs previewing the NFL, and I’m continuing with an NFC South preview written by my barber, Tony King. Or as he’s better known around his neighborhood, Pimpin Luther King, Jr. To be honest with you, I don’t really like Pimpin all that much. I wouldn’t go to his barbershop if it wasn’t for the fact that he pulled me out of a river when I was four. I pretty much owe him my life. He asked to contribute to the NFL preview, so here it is:

Losing in the first round last year, the Buccaneers feel they have something to prove. Their season hinges on the fate of one player – Brett Favre. If the Buccaneers acquire Favre, they may be in the hunt for the NFC title. No chance they go out like little bitches….like Mike…can’t even swim, you little punk ass. I’ll never forget that day. He was in water that couldn’t have been more than 6, 7 feet deep. And he’s flopping around like a trout, yelling, “Somebody save me!” Me and all my boys were having a good laugh, then I realized I better go in.
PREDICTION: 9-7. Maybe you should wear those little orange floaties everywhere you go bitch!

Carolina needs to clarify their running back situation, much like Mike needs to clarify how much of a bitch he looked like bojangling in that water so many years ago. You know the bitch about it? THE BOY STILL HASN’T LEARNED TO SWIM. Ain’t that about a bitch? Now if it were me, I would get in the pool and teach myself how to swim to avoid getting embarrassed like that again. But here’s the bitch about it – he developed a debilitating phobia of the water preventing him from ever getting in again! He can’t go near a sink without near messing his drawers.
PREDICTION: 6-10. I remember the day he told me about that, too. Says to me, he says, “Pimpin – now don’t go telling anybody what I just told you about me peeing myself.” I tell him it’s cool, it’s all part of the barber/client confidentiality agreement. He seemed really relieved. Me and my boys had a good laugh about that when his bitch ass left.

AHH! Help me, help me! I can’t swim! Look at me, I’m a little bitch with a cowlick! I hope Pimpin is around to save my bitch ass!
PREDICTION: I’m peeing myself! Somebody help! I don’t want the fish to drink my pee!

All I have to say about the Atlanta Falcons is they should free that boy Mike Vick. It’s not like he did anything illegal. I mean, it’s wrong to let dogs fight. But just because something’s wrong doesn’t make it illegal. I mean, we weren’t within the context of the situation. Maybe all those dogs had beef, and Vick was just letting them sort it out. I mean, it’s wrong for my boy Mike to be such a four year old bitch and flap around in the water like a retarded dolphin, right? Shouldn’t he go to jail for that? My boy Mike also told me he wears sweatpants in the shower, and you’re telling me he shouldn’t go to jail for that? Come on, now!

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