I was riding the Metro this morning, and Seal pops up on my IPod. That got me to thinking about what a bad rap he gets. Before anybody goes (and we’re never gonna survive, unless we get a little) crazy, hear me out.
Seal is the only representative of the easy listening-garbage genre that I’ll defend. That’s not even a sound statement, because he’s not garbage. You want to debate me on that, that’s fine. I will say this to you: A) He’s a solid singer who puts out decent music, and B)How about you eat my junk?
Go ahead, throw on Kiss from a Rose. No, go on. I’ll wait. Tell me you’re not more relaxed. It’s like the audial equivalent of a bubblebath while sipping on chamomile.
This is probably as good a time as any to remind everyone that I’m not gay.
Not only does he have incredible talent, but on top of that, the guy’s face looks like he got backhanded by Sabretooth. Isn’t it illegal to root against the disfigured? If I had nubs on my hand, and you saw me walk on stage to do stand-up – what are you gonna do, heckle me? “Hey Nubby! Suck on this!”
That’s why you should give him the benefit of the doubt; because his face looks like Freddy Krueger brushed away his tears.
I hate when some dickface gets mad that he’s married to Heidi Klum. You know what? Good for him. He took his mug that clearly got jabbed repeatedly with a spork, and he went out and bagged a ten. That’s like a Giants-over-Patriots type upset. I want to write that movie. Seal is the Rudy of getting tail.
Besides, it’s not really cool to hate on anyone for that kind of thing. If Jon Secada goes out and porks Angelina Jolie, all you can do is tip your cap and say, “Do your thing, homey.”
Bottom line is: don’t sleep on Seal. Now I’m going to go throw on Don’t Cry, and then not follow the song’s advice, because I’m too caught up in how awesome it is.
Yeah, so….only 58 more days ’til football season! Anybody wanna fight?