10) Jamir Shabazz, candlestick maker.
9) My last name’s Kennedy. Does the first name even matter?
8) Dengar Looseleaf, weekend weather guy for WTAE Channel 4 in Pittsburgh, PA.
7) Booksa Million, book distributor.
6) Baffbub T. Gossamer, firefighter. These guys I’m with, they’re just the hose guys. I’m actually the designated baby saver.
5) Malcom X-citing, adult entertainer.
4) Kurt Wagner, aka Nightcrawler. Then I’ll tell the girl to close her eyes and run to a spot ten feet away. “See? I can teleport. Now why don’t you teleport over to the bar and get me a Captain and coke?”
3) Lebron James, Sr.
2) Chip King, son of Bronson “Burger” King, and heir to the BK fortune. Known to the paparazzi as the Burger Prince.
1) Remember that guy like ten years ago who climbed the Empire State Building using only suction devices on his hands and feet? Yeah, um I’m that guy.