Netflix Service Changes for 2014

netflixFrom dropping classic titles to potentially charging fees for multiple account users, Netflix’s services are getting more restrictive than ever. Here’s a look at some other service changes expected in the coming months:

* Not returning DVDs in a timely manner will get you a visit from a Netflix enforcer to help “clear your queue.”

* Many of their streaming titles have been replaced by a video of Netflix employees describing the film to you.

* Award-winning original series like House of Cards  and Alpha House have been replaced by a lesser known series called The Vine Accounts of Netflix Interns.

* Numerous categories tailored to the users’ specific tastes have been replaced with one giant category called, You Should Already Know the Title of the Movie You Want to Watch. 

* If you select Marvel’s The Avengers its shows you that piece of shit Ralph Fiennes Avengers movie with an Iron Man mask crudely CGI’ed over Uma Thurman’s face.

* In an effort to seem more user friendly they say you can now stream by fax without ever explaining how the hell you’d fax a movie.

* To make the library seem fuller they’ve included confusing foreign commercials as well as several YouTube videos.

* There are now an alarming number of advertisements. For example, each episode of Breaking Bad opens with a 20 minute “short film” about Tide.

* A new service called Netflix Deluxe has D-List stars show up at your house to watch movies with you and refuse to leave until fed. Sometimes they aren’t even in the movie you picked. Multiple families have filed a restraining order against Scott Baio.

* By 2015 half the movies on there will be bootlegs.

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